My love
I don't know how to start this, I really don't. Every word I say, hurts me as much as it hurt me that day when you left. I guess there is no good way to start this letter. But some things have to be said before the end.
This will not be a helpless proposal of love as the first words say. It will be my sincerest apology. I know it is a bit late for it, but I finally had the courage to write this. It took a lot of me to compose my sentences while thinking of you. The heartbroken me is finally dead, and I am me again. I am happy. I hope you are too. The last time we spoke you were in love. The beautiful love that I always wished for myself. I hope everything is well with that. And my love. A love for you, a love for what we could be and for what we never were. That is the past. It is gone. And although I still love you, now it is just as someone I was close to, someone I trusted. And that is the reason that I am writing this latter to you.
I loved you once, and my feelings were honest and pure. You were my first real, consuming, insane love and you will always remain a big part of my life. The impeachable hole, I guess. And I've realized that I am to blame for the suffering I caused myself and you. I alone destroyed our friendship or whatever we had. I was BAD, to you and to myself. I was hurting you, sometimes accidentally, and sometimes, I have to be honest, on purpose, derived by anger I felt. Those are the sins I am paying for. But I owe you something. I wanted something that was never mine. I wanted you to love me, as I did you. But that was crazy of me, you can-t love something you don't understand. And love in itself is being able not to poses someone. To love him when he is here, and wish him well when he goes. And then no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it. And I tried to own you, your love. I was seeking for something that didn't exist, and if it did, it was too small to find. Again, I AM SORRY.
There are no words in this world to explain my sadness for my behavior. But I got what I deserved. It was like a bullet in my heart, but I took it. I am talking about the pain that I felt when I realized what I did.
I know I was mean to you, my love. I know it now. And I know it is too late for saying sorry , I know it all. But I just had to. You know, when we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side. And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left. There is nothing. But you can grow from it. Make a place for something new. I don't know if you understand, I guess you do, but if you don-t it-s just the matter of being truly in love……
I had to let you go. I loved you enough to do it. It was too much when I realized that it was all in my head. I hope I didn't hurt you in the process
I wish you happiness and love. I don't need you to find me. It will be too much. If we are meant to be friends then God will find a way, if not, I wish you a good life. Just remember that someone, somewhere loves you for who you are. A sinner (as you see yourself) or a saint (as I know you are ) Goodbye, my love. May our paths cross again.
Please, Forgive me.....
